Author’s Note: For the sake of this blog, all facts are true—even the alternative ones.
Let’s face it, guys. We’re losing. We’re outnumbered. Women are taking our jobs and our college admission slots. More women now graduate from med school than men. Now, women are firefighters, serve in combat, and fly fighter jets. The only thing a woman can’t do that every man can do is build a bridge. Men are biologically predisposed with the bridge-building gene. Women are bridge-building geneless.
Men, in the battle of the sexes, we lost. Lillian told me not to fight it. She told me to take it like a man. In the tolerance of pain department, women are far stronger. Whenever I go to the doctor, I’m asked what’s my current level of pain. I start out at a six and go to fifteen. I have a good male friend who’s had both kidney stones and a ruptured appendix. They say the only two things worse than what he’s been through are childbirth and the catastrophic loss of a limb. His much stronger wife had the babies, and he still has all his limbs. Each of these things happened to him decades ago. But he’s still crying. Thinking of this made me cry as well. My male hormones make me very emotional.
In my working days, I had several pet peeves. I worked in an office environment, and the men were expected to wear a coat and tie. While I had to wear a tie, women could sport a plunging neckline. By the way this is not a complaint, just an observation. Who really wants to see some guy going to work sporting the Tom Selleck look? Also, why must a man wear steel-toed safety shoes, and a woman can get away with wearing flip-flops? Showing up to work with my big Frodo toes would be distracting.
In 2015, there was a march in Washington, DC, called the Million Man March. It was organized to highlight issues affecting African American men, such as voter suppression and other issues in urban communities. The National Park Service estimated about 400,000 men attended. Two years later, the women got their turn. But, of course, there were more women at their march—about 100,000 more. Not to be outdone, the organizers of the man’s march had ABC News re-estimate the crowd size of their march. Sure enough, the new estimate was nearly a million marchers. The estimate was plus or minus 100%. Who in their right mind would believe so many men could get a kitchen pass from their wives on a Sunday afternoon?
I was blessed to grow up in the days of miniskirts and halter tops. The Catholic high school I attended required the girls to wear a uniform but not the boys. Lillian’s public high school had no such code. Sister Cruella would have the girls kneel on the floor as she measured their skirt hems with a ruler. Thinking about women’s fashion, there are some pretty ridiculous trends out there. First, back to women’s shoes. What’s up with medieval pointy-toe shoes? Or open-toed shoes, for that matter? If a woman is going out for the evening, how high should her heels be? I bet even higher if she’s a woman of the evening. Most women’s shoes have no arch support whatsoever. No wonder many women have back problems later in life. When I was in junior high school, the girls could not wear pants to school. Thank goodness that’s now changed. However, I’ve got some problems in the women’s pants department. Currently, a fashion trend for women is to wear spandex leggings. There are weight limits on US highways for semi-tractor trailers. There should be a weight limit on leggings as well. And why don’t women’s pants have pockets? In this hyped-up women’s fashion marketing nonsense, a lot of women’s clothing is just plain stupid.
When quarterback Colin Kaepernick took a knee at the playing of the National Anthem, I wasn’t offended. Why should I or anyone else be offended by that? Isn’t protesting what you hold dear the cornerstone of our democracy? Is your patriotism so shallow you can’t allow differing opinions? I found Kaepernick’s actions inappropriate and rude. But it didn’t offend me. Of course, if I were one of the coaches for the San Francisco 49ers, I’d fine him a million bucks. I’d fine him because he’s paid to play football, not highlight social issues.
I’m also not offended by the LGBTQ+ community. Same, same. Gay folks don’t bother me. And gayness doesn’t threaten my masculinity. In the early 80’s, Lillian and I were stationed at the Strategic Air Command Headquarters in Omaha, Nebraska. I was a bit of a runner back then. Even though Omaha has some of the coldest winters in the US, I could train all year because I worked in the old WWII Martin Bomber Plant. The building was so huge it sported a two- and half-mile jogging route. My running partner was Lynn, a chief master sergeant. He was a single male who was currently between wives. Together we trained and competed in 10Ks and even a few marathons. With little humility, I will tell you I got under 36 minutes in the 10K. I will not tell you my marathon times. Let’s just say I completed all twenty-six miles on the same day.
Chief Lynn was a good runner and would often win his age category. Well, he would win his age group for women. There was no gender confusion back in my day. The race officials always took their medals back.
I haven’t reconciled in my mind about athletes who change their sex and compete in sports. I guess it’s not something that happens that often. Anyway, this is not an issue that bothers me, even if the news tells me I should be upset.
I can only imagine the challenge and stress for anyone growing up who’s not straight. Growing up is hard enough, and our society can be very cruel.
I only have one thing about the LGBTQ+ community that bothers me. I heard the community has over 100 flavors of gender identity. My problem is there should be a limit of only sixty-four. That way, all the identities could have their own crayon color.
Buck-up Guys. We lost.