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I’m not talking about the mundane, ordinary, and necessary. I’m talking about the things imposed on us by society and, worse yet, women. Let’s skip brushing your teeth, flossing regularly, and combing your hair. Combing your hair, that is, if you have any. Boys, it’s just us here. Let’s be honest. I’ve talked about some … Read more

Lillian and Aunt Lydia synchronize their watches as they execute the wedding plan You meet someone at age twelve, decide to shack up, and then seventy-five years later, suddenly realize YOU’RE IN A RELATIONSHIP. Am I really going to talk about this? Why not? Previously I’ve stepped on politics, religion, and all sorts of stuff … Read more

Author’s Note: For the sake of this blog, all facts are true—even the alternative ones. Let’s face it, guys. We’re losing. We’re outnumbered. Women are taking our jobs and our college admission slots. More women now graduate from med school than men. Now, women are firefighters, serve in combat, and fly fighter jets. The only … Read more

I like medical professionals. I mean, most of them care, work long hours, and, you know, save us from our own recklessness. Doctors, nurses, and techs, the lot of them are just fine. All except for the two registered nurses I saw the other day. They were registered nightmares. Both ladies were in their mid-fifties, … Read more

Fuel or fun? Which is it? In my Overeaters Anonymous support group, one of the members, Charlie (not his real name), said, “I am. Therefore, I eat.” You all know the tune. ‘As we age, our metabolism slows down, and unless we change our lifestyle, we gain weight.’ Knowing that and listening to it are … Read more

Random Gripes: Have you ever noticed how in most cultures, you can’t tell a new mother her child is ugly? Most cultures. I love nature. After all, I was a Boy Scout and everything. I love nature, but why does it have to be so dirty? Daylight savings. Enough said. Better to burst into flames … Read more

Winner of the the Park like a Jerk Award I’m a world-class complainer. I’ve been doing it all my life. I’ve honed my skill like a fine piece of art. Blessed with a quick wit and a dark sense of humor, I always know the wrong thing to say. I can find fault in everything … Read more

Can we talk? As your friend, I thought it would be a good thing to bring this to your attention. You have a problem. A problem that’s only going to get worse. Hey dear, another Amazon package arrived while you were at the mall. Your addiction is like every other person I know. It’s terrible … Read more

First, the good news. After carefully reviewing our finances, I discovered my book sale royalties were a whopping $1.32. Since most of you are polite, please don’t ask how much I’ve spent on this new hobby. Last year, I made $49.16 in book sales. Even better news! The sale price of each of our travel … Read more

Let’s face it, I’m old.  It didn’t happen overnight, but it finally happened.  I’m old and I feel it.  I wake up sore from just sleeping.  My bathroom medicine cabinet looks like a scene from “Breaking Bad.”  I bend over to tie my shoes and find my arms have shrunk.  Why bother?  I can’t see my feet anyway.  I haven’t seen them in … Read more