Road Religion 

Lillian and I just made a mad dash from Seattle to Camarillo Ca and back.  It was a good week.  We got to give a quick hug to my and Lil’s mom.  We are now back in Seattle for Jennifer’s birthday and springtime in the Northwest.  In the coming weeks I’ll be sharing some of Lillian and my memories of growing up and beginning our journey together.  

Writing a memoir was never on my radar.  Writing my autobiography always seemed a bit ostentatious.  I don’t have a rags to riches story.  Far from it.  I consider myself an average guy who had some incredible experiences.  I had incredible experiences because I knew extraordinary people.  All of you know my fear of dying of dementia like my father.  Before I go, I hope someone will remember my 4:36 mile or my Eagle Scout Badge.  On balance, I also hope my mother will forgive me for skipping school in the third grade and going to McDonald’s for lunch.  As I write about me, I’m forever grateful yet missing you, my friends.  As I write this, I’m confronted with how little I know about anyone else in my life.

If all of you could send me a book of your life’s story it would help immensely.  If you have one and you do, I promise to laugh more with you than at you.  For most of you, you realize this in not true.  

Attached please find my version of road religion.  

Church Marquees

I once had a job which required me to commute 130 miles one way. The trip was

mostly through rural countryside. The drive was pleasant, not stressful and I

must have passed by a dozen or so churches along the way. After a week of

working, I’d drive home. I did this for too many weeks. These weeks turned into

months and then into years. As I drove through the farms and small towns, I’d

take note of the messages displayed on the church marquees I’d pass.

I’ve never felt comfort in organized religion. I’ve also never felt uncomfortable

at home.

1. Smile God Loves You.

2. Soul food served here.

3. Trouble Sleeping? Try counting your blessings.

4. How will you spend eternity, smoking or non-smoking?

5. Our church is prayer conditioned.

6. Running low on faith, fill up here.

7. Heavenly Forecast, Reign forever.

8. Christians keep the faith, but not from others.

9. A lot of kneeling keeps you in good standing.

10. God won’t bless a Godless America.

11. If you wait for six strong men to carry you to church – it’s too late.

12. Happy is the nation whose God is the Lord.

13. In trying times, keep trying.

14. Home Improvement Classes, every Sunday.

15. Shouting “Oh God” in Bed does not constitute going to Church.

16. God does not believe in Atheists therefore Atheists do not exist.

17. Forgive your enemies; it messes with their heads.

18. Free coffee, everlasting life. Yes, membership has its privileges.

19. Don’t be so open-minded. Your brains fall out.

20. God so loved the world he didn’t send a committee.

21. Read the Bible. It will scare the Hell out of you.

22. Wal-Mart is not the only savings place.

23. Artificial Intelligence is no match for human stupidity.

24. There are some questions that can’t be answered by Google.

25. May your troubles be less, may your blessings be more, and may nothing but

happiness come through your door.

26. If God seems far away . . . who moved?

27. God promised a happy landing not a bumpy ride.

28. Let us help you prepare for your final exams.

29. The best vitamin for a Christian is – B1

30. Is it holy?

31. Send God a kneel mail.

32. If you’re not on the road to heaven, what road are you on?

33. By the yard life is hard. By the inch it’s a synch.

34. Who are you to hinder God?

35. Seven days without prayer makes one weak.

36. Don’t pray for a bushel and carry only a cup.

37. Feed your faith and your doubts will starve.

38. Jesus goes to church in the summer – do you?

39. Doubt is the darkroom where negatives are developed.

40. Come inside for a faith lift.

41. Sign broken, come inside for message.

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